Monday, September 3, 2007

It is so unfair....

Yay I am having a niece!! i was growing very excited at the thought of shopping for a niece! But God has other plans for all of us. Turns out my niece's little brain isn't developing poor niece's brain is mostly liquid. Dr.s told my sister that my niece would make it to term, but when born would be so severly mentally challenged that if she made it, she would probably not make it passed 6 months. My poor niece is set to die before she even gets a chance to live. That is so horribly sad. It is so painful to me, that I can not imagine the pain it causes my sister. No mother-to-be should ever be told their baby is expected to die before the baby has begun to live. My sister has 2 options, both very hard and painfull choices, there is not better choice. She can terminate her pregnancy now or wait to deliver and wait for her baby girl to die. Her dr. is urging her to terminate, as they can say how the baby would even look when she is born or what other birth defects she will have. As advanced as today's medicine and technology is, no one knows the outcome. Either way, either choice, it isn't going to be easy. My sister has painfully decided that she will terminate her pregnancy. She is only about 19 weeks.

No mother should have to make such decision, and having to do so must be so increadibly painful and heart wrenching. She had to make her own decision and no matter what we think, will be by her side. We together as a united family will help her through this. There has been a rift between us (my parents & I) and my sister that we hope this will be brings us closer. That this good thing will come out of this tragedy. I love my sister and never had stopped, but i was mad at her for doing all that she did. She didn't handle things correctly and it made me mad at her. I was not all that happy she was pregnant because of the situation she found herself in, but I was always excited at the thought of a new baby in our family, and excited at the thought of a niece or nephew. Even with my miscarriage, i felt that it wasn't fair, but never felt anything negative towards my niece. i always felt that the baby was a gift from god and hoped that with my sister's pregnancy, we would work together on closing the gap in our relationship.

Since my sister told me what was happening with my niece, i did stop and reflect on how i have felt during my sister's pregnancy. There was shock, some sadness, but honestly, I was excited. There were days that wre hard for me just because my husband and i have been trying for so long, have paid so much money to conceive, and so far our arms and our house remain empty. I was starting to look forward to watching my niece and even for a short while and on weekend visits. I could almost hear the baby's cooing in my house, even if it was for short while. There was never a moment that I didn't love my future niece. As i think back to the last couple of months, i am certain of that.

Now I pray to God for strength to help my sister get passed this. It isn't going to be easy for anyone, but only together as a family will we get through it.

To my Niece:
I loved you the moment your mom told me she was expecting you. I knew you would be such a precious baby girl, and could picture you in my arms, as you were a gift from God to all of us. Even though i will never meet you or hold you in my loving arms, you will always be in my heart. You will be forever my precious angel.