Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Smooth sailing into choppy waters.....

I turned 8 weeks pregnant this past Friday and so far all was going so well.  I have had only mild morning sickness until then, with just a few moments here and there that I would feel like I would loose whatever meal i had eaten, but fortunately haven't thrown up anything...yet.  I also had my first pre-natal appointment with my OBs office and I was excited. I was hoping for another ultra-sound to see how the baby was doing. But no such luck. Unfortunately my OB's office doesn't have ultra-sound machines in their office, instead they send their patients to the main hospital.  I am also fortunate that the NP who did my exam understood how nervous we are.  It has been a long journey for us and she was understanding. She gave me a slip to get an ultra-sound done and also added that anytime I wanted an ultra-sound, i just have to call her up and she would write up a request for me.  

All went well and i went home to relax for the evening. My hubby and I got comfortable with a DVD and a pizza.  Shortly after 8pm,  i felt a weird trickle... i went to the restroom and discovered i was beginning to bleed. Now I didn't panick right away, i figured the NP agitated my cervix and it was just some mild spotting.  I put on a panty liner and went back to sit on the couch and enjoy the movie. After about 15 minutes something was not right. I swore it felt like i was bleeding for the last 10 or so minutes. I went to check the panty liner and it was full!! Dh checked on, as i must have yelled out something and was staring at it in disbelief.  I changed panty liners and sat back down. I still felt no change and knew it had not stopped flowing. I call OBs office and spoke to her answering service.  They paged the Dr. and she called me back.

OB actually sounded like she had been asleep, but oh well, i was bleeding!!! She told me that it happens to women in the first trimester. She instructed me to stay in bed or on the couch all weekend... i was to be truly a queen all weekend. If it were to get worse then i should call or go straight to the ER.  Well i wasn't hysterical because the bleeding seemed to have slowed and i had no major cramping.  I went to bed praying my little baby would be okay.  Even when I passed a small blood cot, i didn't panic.... i was uneasy but pretty much holding it together.  DH was calm too so that helped a lot.  All weekend i didn't do anything. My parents, along with my sister and niece, came to visit Sunday.  I got to spoil my niece and my mom cleaned my kitchen.  And my dad bought me pizza... my #1 craving right now.  

I met with the OB yesterday (monday) morning and she did another quick pelvic check and all seemed fine. She moved up my ultra-sound from Thursday to yesterday.  I rush to work to get some stuff in the mail that HAD to get in the mail, and drove back for my ultra-sound.  Ultra-sound went well i got to see my little peanut and saw that they were no harmed in any way.  I measured right on target for EDD of May 1st, 2009.... it was 8 weeks 3 days! The ultra-sound did not show any reason for my bleeding so OB wants me to take it easy and no exercising, no long walks, and unfortunately, no funny business with the hubby, for now at least.... Poor hubby it has been 9 long weeks of a 'drought'.  I am to go back to see OB in 2 weeks.  She didn't like that no cause was found....

So i'm counting down the weeks until the 2nd trimester.... i have to believe that it will be uneventful until then and beyond that too!! What really helped get through the weekend was a whole lot of prayers!! I prayed and prayed, but not only for myself and my situation.... I prayed for all my loved ones and for those that I dont even know.  It was very soothing and what helped me remain as calm as could be.  I also watched a wonderful movie in our DVD collection called "Facing the Giants".  It is a christian movie that is fabulous.  Now i'm catholic and i really believe that no matter what your religion is, this movie is simply about having FAITH.  Faith in knowing that nothing is 'impossible with God on your side'.  It really just reaffirmed my belief that all would be okay because i had God on my side.  Even if you are having issues at the moment in believing that, this movie is wonderful in helping you remember.  I always cry every time i watch it..... 

Well i'm approaching 9 weeks and morning sickness seems to be kicking up a bit this week after taking a small break last week... it hasn't been too much fun in the afternoon these last few days....but hey, it is reassurance that all is well with my babe!! till next update!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

And Baby makes 3...

Yup, we will be a family of 3 come May 2009!! We transfered two perfect embryos and one decided to stick around and get comfortable!! I am still in bit of shock that it will actually happen. AFter all years of ups and downs, after the river of tears I have cried, and all the frustration, I will be a mom! I think it will still feel a bit surreal until I start to show and I get to feel the flutters of my baby's movement within me.  My hubby I think is still in shock too.  We started to talk about what we think what gender the baby will be. I say girl, he says boy. Apparently his mom says it will be a boy... she has a feeling!! LOL I would really love to have a girl, but I am just praying for a healthy baby, a smooth pregnancy, and a joyful birth in May of 2009.

Honestly, I still feel nervous and i can't wait to really fully let that go and just relax and enjoy.  I really do hate that because of our long fertility journey I know just too much information. I just know of all the things that could go wrong.  There are so many things that can go wrong that the 'normal' pregnant woman would not even know. I really wish i was ignorant for it is blissful! But I am getting better on not dwelling on the negative...

 I really am trying very hard to just focus on the positive, like hearing the beating heart of my baby! It was such a wonderful sound and I was in complete awe. It was magical! I know that moms-to-be for years have been able to hear their baby's heart beat, but I just was caught up in the fascination of being able to hear the beating heart of my baby, who looked like a little lima bean, being so tiny! I couldn't help but to cry.  Hubby couldn't stop smiling!!! We are feeling very lucky and blessed to have come this far and we are so much more appreciative.  We will really cherish every single step of this pregnancy together. And my hubby is sure stepping up too. He has done the dishes, he helps with dinner (especially when I'm feeling to nauseated to touch raw foods), and always makes sure to ask how i'm feeling.  He still can't believe how often i have to take a trip to the bathroom... that part i can really do with out though! LOL

While I think that I will always worry a little bit, with time I will focus on all positives.  Every day, despite my fears and nerves, I pray to God to let God know that no matter what fears i may display, I really really do believe! I believe that God hasn't led me this far only to pull the rug from under us. I really do believe that come Mother's day 2009, I will be a mother! 

To my Sister's still struggling with infertility, don't loose hope, even when it really seems hopeless.  It is difficult to remain hopeful and to maintain the faith, but it will happen. It really does happen in God's time.  God is great and hasn't forgotten, it just isn't the time yet.  After 5 long years of ups & downs and through my journey with fighting Cancer, here I am 7 weeks pregnant! All my Fertility challenged sisters, I continue to maintain you all in my prayers, and know that your time will get here!

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Waiting Game

Life is all about waiting. Infertility is definitely the biggest Waiting game I have played! It certainly tries your patience too! As I sit here being 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I wait to see if indeed my baby or babies are really sticking around! I was to have an ultra sound this afternoon to see if my babies would have heartbeats, but it was not to be. Dr. had some complication during a surgical procedure she was doing and had to reschedule! So more waiting!!! Well at least i have a more probable chance of seeing a heart beat.... a baby's heart beat usually is seen via ultra sound anytime between week 6 and 7 of pregnancy.  I have heard of many women going in during their 6th week and see not heart beat, only to go a week later to see it beating beautifully away. So I now sit and wait, patiently wait!!

It has been a few weeks and I'm still having my pregnancy register with me. There are times that I can't believe i'm pregnant after 5 long painful years of struggle.  I do hate that I do know too much information and worry over all the things that could go wrong! The pregnancy symptoms I feel reassure me most times that all is well and I actually have a baby, or two (or even 3) growing inside my belly.  But some nites it is still hard to really really believe it.  Especially when there is cramping.

Now cramping I know very well is very normal in early pregnancy, but it still causes me to worry just a little bit. I have great fears that the rug will get pulled from under me. But even in my moments of fear, i pray to God, to Jesus, to Mary and all Saints that all is well and I am indeed going to have my babies!! I do believe, even when I express my doubts and fears, I do Believe!!! 

Now I just wait to confirm that my fears have all been for no reason necessary, and my babies will have beautiful heart beating on Wednesday... the all familiar Waiting game i will play patiently until Wednesday afternoon!!