Friday, May 15, 2009

The First Month...

I started this blog 2 weeks ago to account for the first 2 weeks of being a mom, and here we are at almost 6 weeks.. I still wanted to post what it has been like. It hasn't been as tough as i thought it would be, but it certainly has had its challenging...a lot to learn even though i have had experiences with babies and newborns to some extent, it is a whole new ballgame it is your own. The First Month has actually gone pretty quickly and over all we are blessed to have a really good baby. Luckly for us he was never confused between day and night. He was awake most of the day and slept at night. I did attempt to breastfeed and did so for the first 2 weeks. The first week i did it exclusively then I had to supplement with formula because he was loosing too much weight. Now breastfeeding was a whole issue in itself...
I really did want to breastfeed, but i found it to be so very challenging. It was hard, not that I ever thought i would be easy, but i never imagine it would be so emotionally stressful. Me and the hubby took a breastfeeding class so i was informed on how it would take 5-10 days for the milk to come in and i was just about there when i needed to supplement with formula. My little baby, that I will refer too as Spaghetti (daddy's nickname for him) was not getting enough fluids that although he tested negative for jaundice, he did get a touch of it after we got home. Nothing that was cause for concern but enough that i had to supplement. Even with supplementing a little and breastfeeding, to just breastfeed it was tough. I found myself getting depressed. It was too daunting a task to just breastfeed. I found myself breastfeeding then as soon as i was done, it seemed like i was done feeding i had maybe 15 to 20 minutes to myself before i was starting the routine again for feeding. I nearly had a breakdown 12 days into it that wasn't enjoying my newborn son. After much thought and getting some input from my loving and supportive hubby, i decided not to breastfeed, it was too much for me and after such a long road to having my child, i found it more important to enjoy my child and bottle feed.
There have been some issues since we switched to bottle feeding... he developed some colic, but that also seems to actually be reflux. A part of me blames myself for choosing not to breastfeed, but then i think about it and get over it. The important thing is that he gets the medication he needs to help with reflux and at least there is something to help with that instead of having nothing to help with colic. Despite a few, and really i mean a few, bad evenings/nights. Once he goes down for the night he sleeps 3 to 4 hours, and for that i know we are very lucky. The first 2 weeks he slept with us, but we transitioned him into his cradle and did pretty good. Even with a few rough moments, i wouldn't change my life for anything. The first few days i do admit that i felt i would not get this whole motherhood deal and thought it would be good to be at work becaue at least there ihad more control (I can be slightly but after the first 2 weeks i really started to think the opposite. I couldn't imagine going back to work...and now i really try not to think about it, and even though i plan to go back to work part time, it will be tough.
It has been a learing experience for both dh and i. I love seeing my hubby with his son. My hubby wasn't much for kids before, but to watch him turn to mush in the presence of Spaghetty is very heartwarming and often brings tears to my eyes. I am not sure if my hubby has gotten a smile from our son when he talks to him, but i have, and it melts everything else away. I still look at his little face and I'm in awe and can not believe that he is all mine! My hubby and I still can not believe that after our long journey to parenthood, we now have this precious, precious child. We feel so incredibly blessed! It is still a bit surreal to me that I am a mother. I sometimes get from family that they can not believe it either. We have been praying for this for a long time so it does feel surreal. We are still learning and somedays feels like we are stumbling forward with some evening feeling like we are falling a few steps back, but that is parenthood. There are no manuals on how to deal with certain situations, all we can do is be patient, and enjoy the ride.

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