Feeling so....... BLAH!!

I hate when I have one of those weeks where I just feel sooooo BLAH!!! I am having a hard week so far, so emotional and so unhappy. It just feels like I take a step forward and then I stumble back 3 steps. It is a feeling hard to explain. I guess I'm just growing very restless and so sad that after 5 years of TTC our home remains empty of a child.  I've been looking for a local support group and have been unsuccessful. All support groups are too far and I can't make it on meeting nights. I did take a step forward an attempt to organize one myself. I went on to create a group in Yahoo and hopefully I will find other local women struggling with being Fertility Challenged and we can get together and support each other.  I have found myself battling a very lonely, painful, and too long battle and it is getting hard for me to hold it together. So I know that "ask and I shall receive" so I have done just that. I sure hope to yield SOME success.  Maybe with some support from others physically local, I will be a better friend, daughter, sister, cousin, and overall be a better emotional stable, less pitiful person!! LOL

On a happy note, my sister is having a healthy baby girl and we are all so excited.  We were all holding our breaths and praying her baby would be healthy and would not have a repeat of what happened in her last pregnancy. Now we can exhale and we are so thankful to God for this little precious gift. I haven't started looking at baby stuff because I'm so afraid. So afraid I will have no self control and I go broke shopping for my niece.  We have had so few baby girls born in our family that we are over due for a baby girl in the family!! 

My thoughts of my niece brings a smile to my face whenever I'm in the middle of my pity-parties.. LOL  My sister has told me how she prays that I soon experience the miracle of pregnancy and have a child of my own, and I know she isn't the only one, but on some days, my hope diminishes just a little bit. After 5 very long years my hope of achieving pregnancy is not as strong as it once was.  Will i be a mother, YES, I have no doubt about that, I just think my dream of getting pregnant and feeling my baby move within me and giving him/her life, may just remain a dream.  I will fill my home with children that made it into this world just for me to love, I just have to find them.  If only I could begin looking for them now.....