I can't believe I paid....

$40 for gas!!!! Now I know that is cheap compared to other cars...like my husband who pays almost twice that amount!! I drive a Honda Civic and haven't had to pay more than $30 for gas in the recent years that Gas price have slowly gone up!! I was surprised to see that my last trip to the pump it was almost $40!!! I remember the good ol' days were I was paying $15-20 for a full tank of gas!!! When will it stop? I know the price of living goes up and once it does, it won't come down! Dh and I are thinking of trading his blazer for a more gas efficient car. I would hate to see the blazer go, I love that car, but it is costing us too much in gas! As we are trying to save $$$ where we can as we want to move onto IVF soon, it makes sense to help save in gas each week!!

I even have considered public transportation to get to work, but even that comes out to the same thing I pay for gas, there is no savings in doing so. I mean, yes, it will help the environment. And i'm all for helping any way i can, as I recycle my plastics, try to re-use my plastic grocery bags, and don't drive unless we have to on the weekends, but if there is no savings in using public transportation, I'm not going to do it! I would be have to rely on an unreliable bus system to get from the BART station to my office, and BART system is usually reliable, but not always! And as gas prices go up, so are transportation costs! BART is set to raise their fares again soon.... it isn't very tempting to switch!

Okay i'm through with my random rant! LOL I just couldn't believe that the pump said $38.75 this morning!!!! You would also think that would have made me drive slower than usual, or at least drive the speed limit.... 70 miles/hour is a bit fast... i can make it stretch if I go 60-65 miles/hour!! LOL that won't be a problem if i wasn't late all the time!!! LOL okay enough with my ramble......

Baby registry, Maternity shopping, and TOO MUCH Wine!

This sums up my weekend!! LOL It was a very fun and busy weekend. My good friend flew up from San Diego to spend a few days with me before her work related conference started and we spent the weekend with my sister, who is 6 months pregnant.  Saturday, after picking up my friend from the airport we picked up my sister from my parents house and headed out to Target to help my sister set up her registry for her baby shower. We spent over 2 hours there!!! It was actually fun. Some time ago, her fiance had expressed not really wanting to do it, and they went to Babies-R-Us and registered for some of the bigger items, such as car seat, stroller, crib, etc. I think i had the most fun as I was the designated "Scanner".  No one could get the scanner to work initially and as we were going to go back to customer service I somehow managed to get it to work. Now I've done plenty of reading of what one should register, and let me tell you, it is still hard to decide what is needed and how much! LOL We did pick out a lot of cute girly things and even pointed out items my sister should get that she had no idea she should have. I'm going to be in so much trouble when my niece is born, I saw sooooo many cute outfits! I can't wait!

We then headed over to Motherhood maternity to help my sister pick out some clothes. She is outgrowing her maternity clothes and she had no spring/summer clothes. We had fun. SHe tried on so many different clothes and I would get bigger sizes and talked her into trying out outfits she wasn't too sure, and ended up buying them because they were indeed cute! She kept saying how much fun it was and how her fiance would not have let her shop and enjoy herself. Being a typical man, he would have rushed her and not let her try on the various outfits in different sizes.. LOL She did get very cute clothes. I just could not help but think that I'm going to have to resort to shopping online for maternity clothes, I've always been on the plump size, currently a size 16, and my sister was always thinner, she was trying out clothing that was Large and X-Large..... I would be fitting into these sizes when i'm 3 months pregnant.....LOL But at least there is cute maternity clothing for when my time comes.

I got to see my sister where one of her new outfits yesterday at my godson's b-day party. The one outfit she really didn't want to try one and only tried it on to make me happy! LOL it was a cute capri pant set, really cute. Well I haven't had wine in a long while and felt like drinking a nice chilled glass of Chardonay. My BFF, who is my godson's mother, had two bottles chilling in the freezer and so I helped myself to a glass when I got there. It was a great party. Spent it with family and friends on a very warm spring afternoon. Well i'm not sure how much I drank, but it was a lot. My glass was never empty! LOL Now I can't mix alcohol and sweets because it will make me sick. I must have had some sweets because I was up at 2 am sick to my tummy LOL. I was up off and on until 4 am!! My hubby would rub my tummy when I'd come back to bed until he dozed off again and then I'd doze off again until my next bathroom trip, usually 30 minutes later.... I woke up a little later than usual, 7:15 and started to get ready. Hubby was a little surprised to hear me say I was feeling just fine. I would have love to stay home since my friend was still visiting, but it is a busy time at work because of taxes so I got up! I really did feel fine, a little thirsty, but otherwise good to go. But even if I hadn't felt fine, I would have gotten dressed and come to work, just one of those things being a responsible adult that you have to do!

All in all it was a great weekend. I hadn't spent so much time with little sister in years and so that was nice. I got to see my BFF's nephews, one that is 4 years old and the other barely a week old.. oh so precious. Her 4 year old nephew I hadn't seen since he was about a year old and he is soo big and sooo loving. I also got to see my friend's 4 month old, I hadn't seen him since he was a few weeks old and he has gotten so big. He is such a happy baby and soooo yummies!!!! Unfortunately i couldn't hold either baby, as by that point I had had just a tad too much wine and it just wouldn't have been smart to try to hold such youg babes...LOL I so look forward to my niece's birth. I'm going to have so much fun being an auntie to her. I joke with my sister and tell her she is actually carrying MY baby!! LOL I can't wait, we have needed a new baby girl in our family for so long, we will be blessed with one come July!!! I have yet to feel her move within my sister, I barely felt a flutter of movement but then she promptly stopped.... I'm just going to further enjoy my sister's pregnancy and I feel very blessed to be able to come full circle with my sister. Of course a small part wishes we could be pregnant together, but that is not to be and I'm okay with it. Things happen for a reason in the order they are to happen. God has a great plan for us all, I just keep reminding myself of that. 

Now i have to hurry up and make my last car payment this month so that I can have some extra cash to start shopping for my niece!!! LOL 

Feeling so....... BLAH!!

I hate when I have one of those weeks where I just feel sooooo BLAH!!! I am having a hard week so far, so emotional and so unhappy. It just feels like I take a step forward and then I stumble back 3 steps. It is a feeling hard to explain. I guess I'm just growing very restless and so sad that after 5 years of TTC our home remains empty of a child.  I've been looking for a local support group and have been unsuccessful. All support groups are too far and I can't make it on meeting nights. I did take a step forward an attempt to organize one myself. I went on to create a group in Yahoo and hopefully I will find other local women struggling with being Fertility Challenged and we can get together and support each other.  I have found myself battling a very lonely, painful, and too long battle and it is getting hard for me to hold it together. So I know that "ask and I shall receive" so I have done just that. I sure hope to yield SOME success.  Maybe with some support from others physically local, I will be a better friend, daughter, sister, cousin, and overall be a better emotional stable, less pitiful person!! LOL

On a happy note, my sister is having a healthy baby girl and we are all so excited.  We were all holding our breaths and praying her baby would be healthy and would not have a repeat of what happened in her last pregnancy. Now we can exhale and we are so thankful to God for this little precious gift. I haven't started looking at baby stuff because I'm so afraid. So afraid I will have no self control and I go broke shopping for my niece.  We have had so few baby girls born in our family that we are over due for a baby girl in the family!! 

My thoughts of my niece brings a smile to my face whenever I'm in the middle of my pity-parties.. LOL  My sister has told me how she prays that I soon experience the miracle of pregnancy and have a child of my own, and I know she isn't the only one, but on some days, my hope diminishes just a little bit. After 5 very long years my hope of achieving pregnancy is not as strong as it once was.  Will i be a mother, YES, I have no doubt about that, I just think my dream of getting pregnant and feeling my baby move within me and giving him/her life, may just remain a dream.  I will fill my home with children that made it into this world just for me to love, I just have to find them.  If only I could begin looking for them now.....