I just want to be a Mom...

I still can't believe Thanksgiving is a few days away! And the month of November is almost done too!!! Wow! I haven't had the energy or time to blog this month, which bums me out some because that means that I didn't get to vent this month! It has been a tough month to be honest with myself. It was a year ago that we found out i was pregnant for the first time ever, but was going to probably loose it...which i did! I have been determined to enjoy the holidays, but really, if we could have, i would have talked Dh into taking a trip somewhere. It is the first time ever that i don't want to be around for the holidays! I look forward to this time of year every year. But if I could, I would hop on a plain, train or even a car and take off somewhere!!! yeah i know...running away from things doesn't make them go away!!

I really am not loosing faith, but I am running thin on patience. I just really don't know how much more i can take! I do pray every day for strength and for patience, but not sure how much i have left. I am just not myself and find it hard to care about anything else but trying to conceive, and how much i wish i could hold my baby in my arms or rub my pregnant belly....but that is just not my reality and i have to just come to terms with that!! It is getting harder and harder......I had looked forward to at least bonding w/ my neice, but even that isn't going to be either. I KNOW that God has a great plan for me and for my hubby, we are good loving people who can't wait to have a child, and we deserve to be parents because we will make great parents....i just wish that I could make him a dad!

One day a few years ago, I realized something. I realized that we would make great parents to a child who needed it. So i started looking into becoming foster parents. I was in the middle of cancer treatment and knew that there was a slight chance that I may not have the opportunity to get pregnant and carry our child. And i decided that we were meant to be foster parents. Me and hubby had always planned to become foster parents after having a family, i just couldn't help but think that maybe that we were going to have to move up that plan. Well for a number of reasons, I didn't get passed getting some information and then didn't pursue it further. Well over this weekend, i just came to terms w/ just wanting to be a mom. I am not giving up on having our own child, but so many obstacles have come our way and we are not sure when we begin the IVF process, that i started to think that I just want to be a mom and maybe we should look into becoming foster parents now! Maybe there is a child out there that really needs us NOW. I got my hubby to agree to go attend the informational meeting the county has every month to get more information. I am hopefull that we can becomre foster parents in 2008. I know that it will be hard and to get attached to child and they get placed back with their family will be hard, but if we can at least provide a warm, loving and secure environment for a child that needs it during a difficult time in their life, i can handle it! Especially if i was meant to do this.....

After all, I just really want to be a mom....what is better than being a mom to 1,2 or 100 kids that need it for a short time while their family life gets back on track??