My head's cruel joke

The mind IS a powerful tool. It could be used for good and/or for evil. What is worse is when your mind has convinced your body of something that just can't be. For every woman out there who has struggled with getting pregnant can definitely relate to my experience of my mind convincing the rest of my body to believe it to be pregnant. The worst is the bouts of dizziness and nausea, because you are so convinced you have to be pregnant. Only to POAS (=Pee On A Stick....some fertility lingo for you) and stare at a Big Fat Negative (BFN) and be disappointed yet again that you are not pregnant. And if you are like me, who doesn't get a period every month, just knew it would be positive, even if it has been about 2 years of the same thing. It doesn't get any less disappointing or heartbreaking. Even when you know realistically you just can't be pregnant, your mind somehow manages to allow just enough doubt into you, that your body starts to immediately react. If you don't slightly obsess, and if you don't then you haven't been trying long enough, you may not know what I'm talking about. But that is okay, i know that not everyone can be obsessive like me... I do tend to have a slightly addictive personality and obsessing over things comes with that....

So yesterday, it was a quirky day. Since I've become older, I have started to develop allergies and during this time of year can be a little sensitive to scents i would find yummy any other time of the year. My sense of smell has been really sensitive these last couple of days that 2 different people have used the "P" word....I find it hard to believe that I'm to be "P"regnant. For one I had a blood pregnancy test about a month ago, took provera to induce a period, had a period, and now taking birth control pills in preparation for another Fertility treatment cycle next month. Now my head has convince the rest of my body to join in on a joke. Now I feel nauseated and swear i can smell things no one else can.... arrrrrrrrgggggggg frustrating!!

I know how to end this cruel joke, if these symptoms don't disappear, I'm going to have to buy home pregnancy tests. It is the only way to keep my mind from convincing the rest of my body to think it's pregnant. Of course i would be sooooo happy that I would actually be pregnant... but I would be scared. I've taken birth control pills, and not to mention all the drinking I've done these last few weekends!! Since I've turned 30 in March, I've done more drinking than i have all my life. Those who know me know I don't usually drink. I'll have an occasional glass of wine, or maybe a cocktail if we go out dancing to the clubs with friends, but not much. I have had a lot of fun these last few weeks hanging out with friends....

Well this concludes my rambling for now.... Now i hope this helps in getting that silly notion out of my head of possibly being pregnant...only time will tell!!

Until next time...........