Daring to Dream.....

Well without dreams or daring to dream what else is there? SO i started taking Provera to induce a period 15 days ago. I continued taking my temperature daily just because it helps me stay somewhat sane, and according to FF, had Ovulated about 2 days before i started taking provera. Well i had a really nice temperature pattern. It wasn't as erractic as it sometimes can be even on provera. So i held out hope that a miracle would happen and we would get pregnant. When my period didn't show up on Sunday, exactly 3 days after i took the last provera pill, i got very hopefull! I always get a period 3 days after last pill. SO i was very hopeful and kept my fingers crossed. I was very cautious, as you learn to be when trying for so long. But when i broke down and tested at home yesterday and got a blaring negative, i knew that a period was on its way....but i still held on and began dreaming of how i would tell my loving hubby we were pregnant.

Well, sometimes with dreaming, you are awakened. There was no sign of a period this morning...no spotting or anything...but some cramping. By the time i got to work and went to the bathroom there was spotting. So now i am on day one of new cycle. I was disappointed at first, but i got over it really. The thing about being cautiously excited, the disappointment isn't THAT bad. I'm just really happy i didn't say anything to my husband. I can deal with my own hurt and disappointment, but seeing and/or hearing my husband's disappointment is too much for me to deal with. Besides, he needed to be focused. He is in Las Vegas attending an intense agent training for the next 3 days and he needs to be focused on that. He doesn't need to be caught up in the "almost happened" frame of mind.

Well, this is my journey and I will walk it looking forward, because I know that as Great as God is, God will bless us in no time with a much wanted child! All in God's time!!