Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's Gonna BE ME!!!

Finally...i get to log back in and write down my random thoughts!! Computer at work just stopped working for awhile and i could never find the time at home....i don't know why. I usually feel like i do nothing at home, yet i'm busy...hmmmmmmm anywho, computer is fixed at work and so now i can take some time out when i need it to just write!

Not much going on since the last time i posted, sister is doing well and recoverying from the loss of her first baby. I'm sure she has some hard days, but she seems to be doing well. I hope so, i can not imagine how hard it would be to be 22 weeks pregnant and loose your baby. So sad, but God know why he does things, and fortunately, my sister felt the same way. She felt she did the right thing and it helps her to be at peace with it all. We are talking a little more, so that is nice. I know that we won't be as close as we once were, but at least we are building a new relationship. She is back in my life and I in hers, and i feel a little more comfortable with that as time goes on. Thank you to everyone who kept me and family in your thoughts and prayers during this tragic and difficult time! They certainly helped.

I had a very happy, yet strange dream recently. I dreamt that me and my hubby were somewhere, seemed like we were traveling, with my parents. For some reason i POAS (fertility talk for Pee On A Stick=home pregnancy test) and it came back positive. I had actually done 2 tests, one gave me 2 lines (which could have been an OPK kit) but iknew it wasn't because the other test was one of those clear blue tests....it was a + sign in blue dye! I sort of remember feeling happy and in shock, but then i switched dreams.... but i had never had such a dream before...so it helps me stay positive. I once heard someone say "A funny thing about dreams is that they do come true" So i hold on to that.

I'm not sure when we will start IVF process. I'm hopefull we can start it next month, but realistically don't think we should or could afford to start. With the holidays getting closer i find myself feel ing a little blue and i can't help but to think of where I was a year ago. A year ago we started with more advanced treatments and had high hopes of not going through another holiday season with no baby or an empty belly. I still have hopes that we will soon be pregnant and have the child we so pray for, some days it just is a little hard. Acupuncture is helping, and the awful chinese herbs hopefully are too. I wish my body would just cooperate a little. I continue to take my temperature to see if maybe, just maybe my body will do what it should be doing. Maybe this will be our lucky cycle.... I always pray that this cycle is the cycle, and i know one day, my prayers will be answered. It seems like a lot of people are pregnant and i just hope to be one of them...and i will be!! It's Gonna be me the next one to announce a BFP!!

So for now I will hold on to my dream, not too tightly so that it will come true, but just enough help me let the sunshine in on one of my gloomy days!

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