I'm Grateful to be Cancer FREE!!! There is always a thought in the back of my mind, there is always a risk, while I still have a uterus and I don't always ovulate, that it can come back. My hubby and I had a brief discussion last week when i came back from my last visit with OUR acupuncturist (yes my hubby is putting aside his skepticism and starting seeing one to help with him get more energy) and this came up. I mentioned how I do worry it will come back before we are blessed with a pregnancy and that I won't get to experience the wonderful experience of carrying our child and giving birth to our child. He told me I shouldn't think about that or think like that. But how could I not I told him and always say to myself. I am clear and KNOW that it isn't going to come back, but to ignore the RISK or POSSIBILITY would make me irresponsible. I can not just forget because I have to pay close attention. I have to acknowledge my fear of Cancer coming back because if I don't, it will eat me up inside. I am very Grateful and Blessed that 2 years from being diagnosed, I still remain CANCER FREE! Of course Cancer will not come back... EVER.... because I am that much more informed and I'm prepared not to let it come back.
I am also Grateful for all the wonderful women I have met and continue to meet who are as "lucky" (and i say this VERY sarcastically) to go through this journey. These wonderful women fully understand the emotions of TTC with little or little success. BUT THEY DON'T GIVE UP! They help me when I'm down, remind me that there is an end to the long endless long tunnel, there a light at the end of it. I'm Grateful to the wonderful supportive family I have, but unless you have been down the road of struggling in TTC, it is hard to fully understand the level of frustration and even anger that comes with having trouble conceiving. It is hard not to feel alienated in some way from the rest of the "normal" fertile world, but thanks to the women who are on the same TTC journey as myself, I don't feel so alone! I'm so Grateful for that.
I'm very Grateful for having a husband who is compassionate and is my constant positive thinker. If he ever feels any doubts, frustrations, or even anger, He doesn't not show it at all. All i ever get from him is positivity. To him there is no room for failure in this, we will achieve pregnancy and birth of a beautiful healthy baby. On days when I am feeling so down about it all, I can just look at him and remind myself that HE feels it will happen, that I shake any negative feelings and focus on being positive. This journey would be a hell of a lot worse if he wasn't so wonderfully positive. I'll admit SOMETIMES, very RARELY, it is a bit annoying. But I'm GRATEFUL he remains positive.
I'm Grateful to God. God has me on this journey to learn very valuable lessons. God does not punish good people, and I know in my heart that God will grant me my biggest desire and wish to be a mother, to achieve a pregnancy and birth of a child. I know for a fact that I'm to be a mother to other children, who although may not come from me, are on this earth waiting for me to bring them home to me. I'm Grateful that I still have a strong faith in God and that I don't loose hope.
For all these things and so much more, I am thankful, I am Grateful....
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