Holiday gloom.....POOF be Gone!

I still can't believe Christmas is a week away! Time sure has flown by too quickly! I'm excited and looking forward to spending time with family. Of course i am dreading the questions from those who have no clue what we have been trying to do for the last 4, almost 5 years...... "So when you going to have a baby??" It's an innocent question, but c'mon, after so many years of the same question same answer of "we're trying" when will they get a clue?? I have to laugh out loud because otherwise I will become bitter, and that is something I don't want to become. I have always had a cheery disposition, a positive outlook on life and was always fun to be around....Sadly i have caught myself being just the opposite of that. I am not liking that one bit. This whole infertility process is so very stressful on so many various levels and it just sucks big time. Getting to the point of acceptance that maybe no matter what you thought before, your plan on becoming a mom by getting pregnant, birthing and raising that child isn't what God had in mind for you, can be a little hard to swallow and even welcome the thought. At first.....

I know there are so many women who have tried, will continue to try to become mothers in what shoud be "naturally", for so many, many years. They are some strong women. I am not that strong. I'm not giving up, but I'm growing tired and weary. While I may change my mind, I have decided that 2008 will be my last year of trying to conceive a child. Of course this isn't set in stone or anything and i may think differently a year from now, but as of right now, I think I will throw in the towel in trying to conceive my own baby and pursue motherhood in some other way. I know my hubby will support my decision, but only after exhausting all possibilities. So we will try one more IUI w/ injections, hoping that it might work better while doing acupuncture treatments. If it doesn't work then we will try IVF once maybe twice and see what happens. I just can't continue to feel like this. I came to this decision the beginning of December, shortly after learning of my sister's pregnancy.....

Funny how God works, would you know that just a week after making my decision and declaring the end of 2008 the end of the line, the acupuncture and herbs kicked in, and helped my body actually Ovulate!!! While it's still a bit early, I did get a + OPK (ovulation predictor kit) i NEVER get a +. I started using them last cycle since based on my temps, looked like my body would try to ovulate so i started using them to check to see how close my body would get to ovulation. Last cycle they never got close to being +, but just last week, i got a few that were really close and one that was +. I was so excited. I would get so frustrated because we would not even have a shot what so ever to getting pregnant on my own because i wouldn't ovulate. But I believe I did this month!!! I have one half the battle this month! Now I only hope i did ovulate and pray I get a BFP going into the new year. I would nothing more than to start off a new year pregnant. All is possible i know. I also know that while i will be a wee bit disappointed if I'm not pregnant, at least i ovulated!! And I will be grateful for that!

For now, I will enjoy the holidays and celebrate with family and friends. It is the most wonderful time of the year! Although I could go without the grumpy shoppers.... 2008 is full of new promises, and also will come with a new baby in our family.... a niece or nephew for me to spoil!