"What ever will be, WILL BE"

Happy 2008!!! I still can't believe another year has come and gone and it is the beginning of a new year! It is a bit exciting as it signifies a new year, a new beginning, a fresh start sort of speak. At least it does for me. Someone asked me, or rather told me, that they didn't get the big hoopla of "Happy New Year" and the big deal about. To them it is just another day. I kinda saw their point, but to me it is a rather unusual day, it is more than "just another day". I always see it as a fresh start. It is a time to reflect on the previous year and appreciate it for what it was. I also see it as a time to be thankful to God for making it through another year, tough or not, God saw me through another year. 2007 was full of happiness, disappointments, sadness, and surprises. 2008 will be better than the year before, because I have declared it will be so!

I found myself enjoying the holidays, even though I did get asked when was I going to 'pop' out a kid. This was asked by a few guy (of course) friends that i don't see often. I thought that I would cringe or want to run and cry at the question, but I found myself laughing at their question. I joked, although it wasn't a joke, of how we are trying very hard. I joked about it with them and we all got a good laugh at the picture I painted...told them to picture Monica and Chandler when they were trying to get pregnant....not too far from the truth, but still a slight joke. All in all, Christmas was great. I do love spending it with friends and family!

Our New Year's eve party was great too. As always, just family. We had too much food, the cake I made for my hubby was a bit hard to chew (although everyone said it was tasty), and too much to drink. My sister came, as she came for christmas eve too. And that was nice. I hadn't spent the holidays with my sister in years so it was nice, and i know my parents enjoyed it too. I think that as the year closed out, they were coming to accept my sister's choices. Up until now, i think that they couldn't bring themselves to fully accept that my sister chose to be in the relationship she is in now. Yes, she wants to be with her boyfriend and raise his 7 kids and her baby. It won't be easy, as my parents know all too well how financially strapped they are, but it is my sister's choice and once they come to accept it, it will be less painful for them. I just hope that with ths new year, my sister visits my parents more regularly, because she hasn't and only seems to make an effort when she needs something. Because of this I can't blame my parents for feeling used. But to each their own battles, I will be there to listen to my mom vent about it and stay neutral. I have stopped being mad at my sister and am looking forward. It won't be easy, and things will never be the same, but that is okay. Sometimes change is a good thing.

I am excited about my sister's baby, and pray that it is growing healthy in her womb. I know my sister is terrified something will go wrong again, and i can't blame her. I really would have wished that she could have been spared any fear or uncertainty during her pregnancy. I wished she could have enjoyed a problem free pregnancy, for ignorance is bliss. But it wasn't to be, God has a reason for why things happen, and maybe her lesson was to really appreciate the gift God bestowed upon her, and that is to appreciate that she can get pregnant and carry a child without having to do infertility treatments. Iknow that she is thankful for the baby she now carries and will love him/her that much more when she/he is born.

Well I may have closed out the year out on a disappointing note. Despite having gotten a postive OPK (ovulation predictor kit) I didn't ovulate. It was a bummer because i never get a positive OPK. I have gotten no period and only negative HPT (home pregnancy tests). But since 2008 will be the year of "whatever will be, WILL BE" I didn't let it get me down. Going into 2008 I am just going to sit back and relax and try to enjoy the ride as best as I can. I have grown tired of letting this journey to acheiving motherhood get me down, depressed, emotionally stressed, frustrated..all that comes with trying to conceive and not being successful. I do feel that in my heart, that one way or another, I will be a mom in 2008. 2008 will be a great year for me, for my family, and for my friends!