I'm failing miserably on actually completing my New Year's resolutions.... well most of them. I often wonder why we, or I, make them every year. I semi-succeed in accomplishing them. I start off strong, but get off track by March...so sad. =-P I have not been eating healthier, if anything, I've been eating too much of the 'bad stuff', I'm not sticking to my budget by any means and still forget to mail off my bill payments... haaahaaa.... I pay them, on the due date and online! So i continue to procrastinate as well!!! I hope to work on all of this as the year progresses! AND i'm going to exercise!! It always seems to take me a great while to get back on the treadmill after my "Holiday Break" last year it took until almost October to start and then i stopped due to the holidays!!!!! Soooo bad I am.
Today is my mom's 57th birthday, today she would have been a grandmother..or almost. My sister's due date with my niece was today. I'm very sad about that. I've been feeling a little blue about it. I haven't talked to my sister about how she may feel. She is trying to enjoy her current pregnancy now, so I don't want bring up anything painful for her if she has managed to push it out of her thoughts. I doubt she has forgotten, but I'm sure she is trying to stay positive and focus on her baby on the way, I know I would be if I were her. So we are all being very positive and I am making sure my parents really let go and accept my sister's choices, especially my mom. She says she has, yet always worries about what people will say or she is hurting in some way. I have to remind her from time to time, if she really has come to accept my sister's life choices, she would not care about what RANDOM people have to say and it wouldn't be painful for her at all. I think she is coming around. Last time we went to Target i convinced her to buy my sister some blue baby booties, a baby hat and some socks. I knew that it would mean a lot to my sister if my mom gave her those little gifts. I was right about that. When my sister told me how cute it all was, she had tears of joy in her eyes.
Sometimes life seems a little unfair and it seems like i and others that are trying to conceive are forgotten in some way. I know that it isn't the case, but it is good to give into that feeling and just pout and mope about. I find myself doing that for myself and for other women i have befriended through this journey. There is a reason why we all go through all that we go through, sometimes it's an explanation and sometimes there isn't, and that is the lesson to be learned. I'm very analytical and always have to have a reason, and it drives me insane when there isn't any. I'm getting better about not looking for reasons and explanations, it isn't easy. But with time, somethings have to get easier, right?
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