Monday, June 25, 2007

Blue Monday

I usually do not care Mondays. Sometimes a Monday is uneventful and other days like today, they just seem like crap and set it up for a not so great week. First I just am all over the place with this cycle. The "Am I or Am I NOT Pregnant" is really starting to really get me down. I'm trying so very hard to stay positive, but so afraid of the disappointment of getting another negative pregnancy test. I need to remain prepared for that possibility because if I don't, the emotional breakdown that would come with that negative will be just too overwhelming....I'm trying not to over analyzing every little thing and panic when certain symptoms start to minimize themselves. Or over react when other symptoms persist. Some days, this game is just tooo damn hard.

Then I am trying to be supportive friend to my friend/boss who is now facing breast cancer treatment. She was recently diagnosed and I have been trying to help her and support her in any way I can. Due to this, I didn't plan a trip to Colorado with my mom, and planned on not taking unneccessary time off, so that she won't have to fret about work while she isn't feeling well, her having peace of mind that the office is running effectively if she isn't up to coming into the office. It is just myself and she in the office. Then my loving DH comes back very excited from his recent training to tell me that he signed us BOTH for an upcoming training in 2 WEEKS!!! I had to tell my boss i would need to take that week off and I just felt horrible. I'm stuck in the middle. I know that the Boss in she wanted to say that I couldn't take that week, but the friend in her granted me my week off. But i feel so bad not being here for her, and I would feel just as bad not attending w/ my hubby when he really really wants me to go down with him. I tried to tell him that i just find it too hard to go, and although he would understand, i just felt so horrible telling him probaby no. I asked him to hold off registration and asked if we could speak about it more later tonite...hung up with him and just put my face in my hands and cried!!!

Normally i wouldn't be this much of a cry baby.... but i've been too emotional all weekend. I was crying while watching the movie Wedding date w/ Debra Messing. Cute movie, but not one to make you cry like a baby over. Yet another sign I cling too!! And you know its going to be that kind of week when our Branch Manager's office is calling to inform us our BM will be in our office tomorrow morning for a surprise inspection! Could this day just get any better....?? It has too!!! I normally stress at the word AUDIT, so I'm stressing. I'm sure we will do fine, i'm not perfect but confident enough that we will do okay and walk away from audit relatively in decent order....at least that is the hope i'm going to cling onto....

Tuesday, depite the audit, will be a much better day!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can understand why you feel the way you do. Where is the training going to be at? lol you can always email me or catch me on FF.


Kyla